Learning Curve
by narrizan
Summary: Trust is a fragile thing. He's learning that he cannot even trust himself. Part 2 of the 49 Days series on AO3. Lavi, Finder Doug, Kanda Yuu,


Learning Curve

Notes:

Usual disclaimers apply. I cannot seem to shake Doug the Finder from my head space. So he's here again. Part 2 of the '49 Days' series I wrote last year for AO3

* * *

Approaching the room he hears voices whispering and feels like he is intruding. He is here now and thoroughly regretting it already. Uncertain as to why he is here when he really just wants to turn tail and leave, preferably before anyone sees him - like some guilty skulker? Well guilt is not it for sure, because it is not anyone's fault that the idiot is here in the first place. He does wonder though, who it could be in there with the patient. It isn't Bookman he notes. He's dithering and growls that he might as well get the visit over and done with. He raps once, twice and not even waiting for a reply he stalks in.

"Ah Kanda. So sorry I'm just leaving. I only came to see how he was, to thank him," he should have guessed. It was Doug, the finder.

Credit to the little fellow, he stands firm, with his back straight and does not shrivel, like most people tend to do when they see him coming. That's refreshing. Still it does not change the fact that he is the reason why the idiot in the bed is here at all. Proving his theory that idiots obviously need protection from other idiots. He scrutinises the boy as he leaves, tracking the movement. When the door to the infirmary finally swings shut he turns to eye silently the figure in the bed before him, catching the briefest glimpse of wanhope before the mask is back in place.

"Yuu!" Grating drawl chiming at him, voice light, eye bright and does not fool him. Not at all.

"Idiot!" He manages to grind out.

"I'm fine and I'm only here because they wanna make sure I'm ok, which I am. Really."

Like many of their meetings there is no midway, it is usually swirling heavy silences or loud and brash. Goading, teasing, exchange of insults and explosive death threats.

"Right, I'm going," he says gruffly after a few minutes of standing, breathing in the quiet.

"Thanks Yuu," and this time the voice is soft and real.

"Tch, you need to train more," is all he says over his shoulder as he leaves.

A year later and it's (more or less) the same scenario - after all the person at fault is still the same, will the idiot never learn. A brusque rap on the door and he does not wait for an invitation. Lavi is sitting on his bed in the room he shares with Bookman, twisting a length of white ribbon in his hands. Even with the rude interruption Kanda is not sure if Lavi sees him at all.

There in front of him is not the Lavi everyone sees. To Kanda he looks in a daze imbued with a kind of brokenness.

"I'm failing," the redhead whispers so quietly. In spite of the 'well-done' that he'd overheard Bookman utter when he vanquished Doug the Knight-Akuma. He knows that he only managed to do so because he reached in, into that space to finally accept himself as an Exorcist, however that meant that the broken piece of him was the Bookman. O life, and its ironies. He shook his head and breathed out a hysterical wry chuckle. "Not funny at all, eh Bookman-Junior?" He asks of himself.

"Tch," is all Kanda can provide. He's not the sort to give out advice and since he's bad at listening to any himself, he reckons the point is moot anyway.

"I hear you're meeting up with the Beansprout next."

"Who? You called him what? The new Exorcist? Beansprout?"

"Tch," is all Kanda says again. "He'll probably break you more."

"Idiot" he says with an exhale of exasperation - at this juncture, Lavi is unsure if Kanda means him, Allen Walker or the swordsman himself. In spite of the blue funk he is wallowing in, a ghost of a smile plays on his lips and is grateful.

"You probably have to get ready to go already yea?" and Kanda just stands there, for a minute or two more. Breathing. Then just as abruptly, pivots on his heels and leaves.

"Thanks Yuu. Again," is the voice that dives into the imperceptible hesitation, before Kanda with heartfelt, slams the door shut.

Fin

* * *

Notes:

131 years ago 11 nuns from a French Convent agreed to set up a nurses' station to care for the wounded where I live. Happy Nurses' Day today (even if you aren't from where I am) you're so appreciated for the work you do. The inspiration for the setting, the infirmary if you haven't guessed. ^_^ For 1st August 2016

Also, I was worried about the use of 'ok' in speech as regards to being being correct use for the time, and dictionary-dot-com has this to say about it:

Origin of OK

... initials of a facetious folk phonetic spelling, e.g., oll or orl korrect representing all correct, first attested in Boston, Massachusetts, in 1839,then used in 1840 by Democrat partisans of Martin Van Buren, who allegedly named their organization, the O.K. Club. It quickly lost its political significance, and went on to develop use as a verb, adverb, noun, and interjection. The expression was well known in England by the 1880s.

\- So I guess it's ok (ha!) to use it then. Only just. Not sure about 'blue funk' though. Sorry.

Again I hope someone somewhere likes this. - Zan


End file.
